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How do you talk to yourself when you feel triggered? Here are 4 ways to show self compassion

Updated: Oct 15, 2021



How do you talk to yourself when you are triggered?

Have self compassion even when you are not in your most loving state.

We all have different ways to cope when we are not in our resourced self.

Here are some ways to help you have self compassion for yourself.

1. Don’t judge yourself.

2. Pray for guidance

3. Check in with yourself

4. The 4 S’s to self regulate

Love and light



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(00:00):

Hello, everyone. How are you doing today? It is April. It is just beautiful. Or I am it's spring. And I thought today would be good to talk about having self compassion for ourselves, because know, sometimes we, we just kind of forget to give a to ourself. Sometimes it's so easy to give compassion to others, but we need to always remember to have self-compassion and that's going to come from understanding and loving and caring for our self as an adult, making sure we are loving on ourselves, having a healthy relationship with ourself. Every single one of us can do that. And sometimes along our journey in life, we, we lose sight of that because we start putting ourselves first and we put others first and we don't have our boundaries in tact and people, they just make us feel certain ways. And a lot of times we don't have the compassion we need to give to ourself and the grace we should give to ourself and me a lot of times, it's good.

(01:06):

Even for a rule of thumb to talk to yourself the way you would talk to somebody else. I mean, like if you have a child or even a friend, you know, talk to yourself, like you would talk to your child, you know, sometimes we don't do that. Sometimes we beat up on ourselves and we're hard on ourselves. I mean, I've done that. I've been certainly hard on myself for things and not some, sometimes somebody else has to tell me to, Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. You know, sometimes we get caught up in our grind and everything that we're doing and we beat ourselves up. Sometimes we just have to try not to do that or talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend or a relative and somebody that you love and care about. You're not, if they're having a bad day, you're not going to rub it in and be like, oh, you this, you that.

(01:49):

And it's like, you just don't do that. So give yourself that same compassion, that same grace, because you definitely deserve it. So you can parent yourself. And sometimes there's a part of us. That's kind of missing a little bit because a lot of times people do do the best that they can do. Right. And so you may have learned behaviors or you might, some, it could have, it could even be something small that happened to you. And one day you started telling yourself you weren't good enough. And so you need to repair it yourself and show yourself that compassion, because you can talk to yourself differently when you're in a loving state compared to when you're triggered. Like, what do you say to yourself when you're in more of that loving state, compassionate state? What kind of things do you say to yourself? Like, what's your inner dialogue that you have? Like if you're stressed out or feeling anxious, are you saying you've got this I'm good. Is there something that you do for yourself? Do you have a reward system that doesn't revolve around? Like a thing, like eating cake or having something to drink or something like that? Like something

(02:59):

More self care, like soaking a nice bath or cooking for yourself, creating more boundaries, doing something that promotes some positive energy and get you going. And boundaries are definitely good. You know, that's the way to tail take care of yourself. I mean, that can change your whole mood up right there. And how you handling difficult situations. Are you calm? Are you being more reactive? I able to communicate all of these help with your self-compassion. You know, I try journaling and answering these questions and writing them down and seeing what you come up with, make a list. And then also on the flip side, do what happens when you're triggered, because everybody has some kind of trigger. It just might be different for everybody. And it's all on what you do, the actions that you do after it happens, Emmy it just, if you have healthy ways to cope and do with that, for example, if you're out and about, and you're with coworkers or you're at an event or something, and somebody says something to you and it's kind of attacking it's an attacking way, or do you feel judged or do you feel stupid?

(04:09):

Do you say those things to yourself and do you know, what's triggering you to get out of that space where you're feeling compassionate towards yourself and into that more of a sugar state. So like, what are you saying? Try to think about some things that you say to yourself and try to write them down on like the opposite side. So what is your dialogue compared to when you're triggered, compared to when you're in the more natural state, you're more loving state, how are you talking to yourself? And when you're hearing this things, and if you're, if you're saying something more negative towards yourself, is there something that you do, do you like run to eat something? Do you run to drink? Do you want to smoke? Do you have, is there something you do to cope because everybody does something, right? It depends on what you're doing to cope.

(04:56):

I mean, there has been times when I have like been overwhelmed and I had like all this stuff on my plate and cause I've just taken on this project and that project and just all these things. Right. And so I would just have to sit back and then sometimes I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm not doing good enough job. That good enough thing right there. It affects people. Sometimes don't even realize it. And I just, it is not good for me to talk to myself like that. So I have to check myself and be like, no, you're doing as good as you need to be doing right now to take one thing at a time. And to realign the words that I say to myself. So I just have to remember to be compassionate to what ourselves, because I know I wouldn't talk to my child like that.

(05:36):

I'll never said that to him. You know? So here are a few steps you could do to try to help you compassionately care for yourself. Okay. So step one, notice what you notice without any judgment. Okay. So we do not want to judge ourselves. We don't want to judge others, but try to do, try to be, have compassion towards yourself without judgment for whatever's going on. So for instance, you can get a journal and write down what's going on, write down what activated you, regardless of what it is. It doesn't matter. It could be as small or as big if it's, if it's important, it's important. There, there is no, you don't have to have to feel like something isn't big enough because whatever it is is important. So write that down and just be willing to be present in it. Just sit there and take the time to be aware of what's going on.

(06:21):

Be present in the moment in your thoughts and just, you can just sit in quiet. You can put music on just whatever you need to do. Just sit there and get all your thoughts out on paper. And don't judge yourself. Step two. You can pray for guidance to lead you toward your most loving self by bridging your fear back to love. Now you can try this prayer when you're feeling triggered, when you're like activated by something, thank you universe for releasing me from these negative beliefs and gotten me back to my resource, compassionate self. Thank you for helping me release these negative beliefs and gotten me back to my resource, compassionate adult self. Sometimes just got to ask him, you know, and put it out there and you'll start to feel more calm, right? Just giving it to him, you know, and his act to be guided back.

(07:09):

Just puts your fear out there and bring it back. Fear into faith. I say that all the time, turn your fear into faith and step three, use the whole acronym to check in with yourself. Am I hungry, angry, lonely, or tired? H a L T halt. So maybe you need something at that present moment. Maybe you're just, you ever heard the expression hangry? You know, maybe you're just missing something. Maybe you're buying me some kind of nourishment. Maybe you should just pick up a phone and call somebody. Maybe you need to figure out if you're angry and what it is, what got you there. And if we just need to get your sleep, cause we all need our sleep. At least seven hours, average. I mean, it's different for everybody. I'm just saying seven hours, because sleep is very important. It can affect your whole mood and everything.

(08:00):

Okay? So what you need to do to be in a better place at this moment in this present moment, because you, your mood, your body, your mind spirit, it changes all the time. So just check in with yourself, seeing what you need to better yourself. And step four are the four S's safe, soothe C secure, so safe. How can you make yourself feel safe in this moment? Maybe you need to leave the environment that you're in. Maybe it's doing something like giving yourself a hug or just going for a walk in an environment that you feel comfortable. And how can you Sue yourself in this moment, maybe taking a relaxing bath or getting some fresh air, some camomile tea. So knowing what that is also, how can you see yourself in this moment getting very in tune with how you feel. So how can

(08:55):

You see yourself? Can you see yourself with compassion? If you're having a hard moment, are able to forgive yourself, do you, is there a respect for everything that's going on? And what does feeling secure in this moment? Look like for me? So you might want to describe what this security feeling is like. It could be a combination of everything, right? For you to feel secure. So that might mean leaving the environment that you were in talking to yourself with positive soothing words and seeing yourself in a compassionate way and is really taking the time to care for yourself and speaking to yourself with love because you are the only person listening and what you think and how you feel. It makes all the difference. Anybody can tell you anything, but if you don't tell it to yourself, it doesn't really matter. Now does it. It's always be mindful of that.

(09:53):

You know, don't let yourself get stressed out or anxious or depressed. We try your best. And we have a support system of some kind that's there for you. You know, watch the people you are around, all the things and talk to yourself with love. So if you start doing some of these steps, when you feel triggered, you won't feel alone or afraid as much lower. Like there's no way out. Like you feel stuck, you know, because you're developing this connection with yourself. It's a part of, reparenting caring, compassionate, loving yourself. It'll bring you to a state of peace. So I hope this helps. And if you're in need of a journal, I do have some for you. There's a link down on the show notes and I would love for you to come join us over on the community and Facebook, it's a health and wellness community and whatever questions you might have, send me a direct message. So the information for the journal and the Facebook group, all of those things are down there in this show notes. And please reach out to me until next time.


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